Junction of Souls, Copyright 2005 by Michael H. Thomson is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

LIFE IS BUT A DREAM

by Lewis Carroll (1832-1898)

 A Boat, beneath a sunny sky Lingering onward dreamily In an evening of July-- Children three that nestle near, Eager eye and willing ear, Pleased a simple tale to hear-- Long has paled that sunny sky; Echoes fade and memories die; Autumn frosts have slain July. Still she haunts me, phantomwise, Alice moving under skies Never seen by waking eyes. Children yet, the tale to hear, Eager eye and willing ear, Lovingly shall nestle near. In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by, Dreaming as the summers die; Ever drifting down the stream-- Lingering in the golden gleam-- Life, what is it but a dream?

"Life is but a Dream" is reprinted from The Hunting of the Snark and Other Poems and Verses. Lewis Carroll. New York: Harper & Brothers, 1903

I met Joanne in high school. When she first spoke to me and smiled, I lost my breath and developed a lump in my throat – causing my voice to squeak.  Over the following weeks and months, Joanne became easier to talk with and talked to me often.  I won’t say I fell in love with her, because then, that concept was alien to me. Holding hands was the extent of my entanglement with the opposite sex at the time.  Joanne and I never held hands. I worshiped her presence in silence.

Leaving high school and going on to college, I met Joanne again on campus where she was taking classes in nursing. My silent admiration of her did not change. I could not develop the boldness to make an approach. Talking to her, I learned things about her that she had not shared in high school. I learned for example that she had experienced a sad childhood. You would never guess it by looking at her. She was always vibrant and flashed a dazzling smile wherever she went.

Joanne was adopted and had been treated harshly by her adoptive parents. They lived on a farm where Joanne was treated more as a slave than as a child. The fact that the parents were rigidly religious did not help Joanne’s situation very much. The parents were harsh in their punishment of Joanne for even the smallest infractions.  According to Joanne, they planned on marrying her off to a young seminary student who attended their church. Joanne was not excited about the prospect but didn’t know what to do. Today, I would have kidnapped her and moved to Arizona, but then I had no advice to give her. Later I would regret my inaction…

At the same time I was thinking about Joanne, there was another girl who had me in her sights. As Joanne was promised to another, I rationalized that maybe I should pay attention to the one who was paying attention to me. At first I felt uncomfortable about my decision, but when Joanne stopped showing up at the student center, it became an “out of sight,” “out of mind,” situation.  The truth, however, was that Joanne was never totally out of my mind – even when I married…

My marriage – which happened for all the wrong reasons – did not work out. Relocation to a northern state, for my job, was just too much for my southern bride and she bailed, leaving me to deal with the snow, ice, and alien culture of the northern Midwest. Nine months later, I returned to the South.

Back at home, slightly depressed due to the recent events in my personal life, I took another job, started taking night courses at the university, and moved on. Despite my recent failure in romance, you would think I would be shy about getting entangled again. Nevertheless, in any crowd, or shopping experience in my small town, my eyes were always alert for any glimpse of Joanne. One day I saw her.

 She was standing in the aisle of a drug store where I was shopping. As usual, when I saw her, an emotional rush immobilized me. Recovering, I approached her. Again, Joanne rewarded me with a dazzling smile – and this time – a tight lingering hug. We talked a while and then she surprised me with a bombshell.   Her engagement with the preacher was broken. For the first time in her life, Joanne had taken a stand – against her parents and her arranged marriage. She was free – sort of.  My heart almost jumped out of my chest – outwardly I was calm. Boldly, I asked her to take a ride with me so we could talk more. She said she would like to but she was with her mother and needed to get back home.  At least she said “she’d like to.” That gave me hope. I told her I would talk to her soon.  A week later, I called her house. Her mother answered and cross examined me as to who I was and why I wanted to speak to Joanne. Slightly irritated I explained myself. Then her mother said,

“Joanne has left. We don’t know where she is and if you see her, please call us.”

From the worry I heard in her voice, I did not doubt her sincerity.

For several weeks I searched the roads, walked the malls, vainly, seeking any sign of Joanne. I called my friends, but no one had seen her. Then one day something happened that caved in my world.

My cousin was a deputy on the sheriff’s department. I ran into him at a little café near the airport.

“Say, haven’t you been looking for that friend of yours from high school?” he asked.

 “Yeah.” I said.

Reaching into his briefcase, my cousin pulled out a piece of paper that looked like some kind of official report.

“Is this the same person?” he asked.

The report was written in the impersonal language that police everywhere use to describe very personal horrifying events.  I read, not believing the person described could be Joanne. It was a report of an apparent suicide victim found in a local motel. The medical examiner had determined the cause of death was a drug overdose. There was no evidence to suggest that Joanne was not alone at the time of her death.  It didn’t matter anyway. Joanne was gone from my life – forever…

Several years later


I have led a complicated life. I’ve been involved in things that were dangerous yet exhilarating at the same time. Many times I have felt the unseen presence of a guardian angel. Intuitively, I have always known my angel is Joanne.

Once, on patrol in the Mekong Delta, I started to follow a trail that I thought would lead to a village where some Viet Cong were rumored to be holed up. As I started up the trail I heard a soft voice in my head say, “Don’t go there.” I paused to listen. The soldier behind me went on ahead. The explosion and shrapnel from the land mine killed him and the shock of the blast knocked us all off our feet. Someone had saved my life. I knew it was Joanne.

During the final year of my tour in the Army, I was recruited by a well known intelligence agency.  One of my assignments two years later was to infiltrate a communist drug ring that was selling drugs to American soldiers in Germany. Posing as a soldier from the nearby army post near Kaiserslautern, I agreed to meet one of the members of the ring at a gasthaus in Machenbach. Sipping a drink while waiting on my contact, I heard a voice say, Get out of this room, now! Remembering my similar experience in ‘Nam, I swiftly moved to the restroom. Sitting in a stall with my PPK at ready, I heard three short bursts of automatic weapons fire.   It became very quiet. I left my shelter to investigate. Everyone in the bar was dead. I had no doubt that I’d been exposed. I left quickly before the police came. Joanne had saved my life again.

I’m an old man now with a diagnosis of liver cancer, my time is short. Over the past years I have been accustomed to having what I call the “Joanne Dream.” She has always visited in times where my life was in imminent danger. I’ve always taken the appropriate action. Joanne never warned me about the cancer that’s  eating away at my body. I feel like I'm ready  to die now…I’m strangely happy to be done with it all.

The train station was the old fashioned kind with long wooden benches for passengers to await their connections. The man looked at his ticket as he waited. He couldn’t believe his destination. It was a totally different and happier locale  from the last place he had been. A thought crossed his mind. Would he ever see her again? He wondered. A whistle blew. He stood up to go to his train. Behind him he heard a familiar voice. “Can I join you?” she asked. He turned. The lady had a dazzling smile…